Community

Throughout the school year, I have had periodic emotional breakdowns over our location in the world. Why, I would ask myself (and Paul) over and over again, are we so far away from people that we care about? The thing that made that question hardest to answer was that we were not feeling part of a community here. Is missing family and friends worth a job? In the grand scheme of things, I certainly don't think so.

I think the mindset we learn today, however, is that it is worth it. Jobs are hard to come by. We pay so much for our education that we have to go where the opportunities are. I was lucky in my last job: I got to work in the most beautiful part of Boston in a school that had an incredible "family" feeling to it. Paul's family was close by, and we went to visit my family about 11 times a year.

Here, community doesn't come as easily. During the year, every single person is so busy that there is no time for socializing. There's no after-school trips to the local bar because there is no real "after school" - there's only about 20 minutes for changing clothes and getting to athletic practice, and then there's planning, grading, extra help, or dorm duty after that. Getting to know people means having an idea that you might like to get to know them more, but knowing that it probably won't happen. While I couldn't have survived this year without Paul, it's not been easy for him to bear all the necessary venting, emotional breakdowns, and near panic attacks that would have otherwise been spread over multiple conversations with several friends if I had any in the near vicinity.

And then vacation hit. Today is Thursday, so I've just completed by third official day of vacation. I've finished a book, started another, taken care of lots of little pieces of business, wrote a ton of emails, ran, rode, practiced yoga, and even did a little work. The best part, though, has been the first glimmers of feeling part of a community. We had a faculty dinner on Monday night, at which the people who have worked here for 5, 10, 15, 20, and 25 years were celebrated, and it seemed like the first time I've noticed anyone getting celebrated around here. That felt so good. And then today I went on a two-hour bike ride with the two most incredible women on campus. One of them has been sort of coaching me into enjoying riding, which is an incredible feat. The other just did a triathlon this past weekend. And tonight I went 2 for 3 at my softball game. I get to play on this fabulous team with women who range from as young as me to as old as nearly 60, and it's awesome. We kick butt. Seriously.

So this place might be a niche I can fit into after all. There's no Michelle or Pauline, and I've forgotten too many birthdays this year, and I don't get to walk through the public garden to go to any store my heart desires, and the softball team doesn't go out for beers after the game or go for team hikes, and I only get to go home four or five times a year. But it might work. Maybe. We'll see.