Today we had an endo appointment, and I knew it was going to be a bit tough. Over the last month or so, Buzz's blood glucose levels have been trending super high, and I have been feeling so guilty about it. We're in charge of keeping him healthy. We're the ones making decisions about insulin dosages and food. If we don't do a good job, he will suffer the consequences.
His A1C was not as bad as I expected it to be, but it wasn't good, either. Our nurse had some ideas, and we put in paperwork to order a CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitor). It'll be another thing on Buzz's body all the time, but it'll help keep him healthier.
When our nurse asked Buzz if he had any questions, he said no. But then he asked a question: "Will my diabetes ever get better?"
Those questions are more than I can handle. I can count every carb, prick his fingers for blood throughout the day, pick him up early from school when he goes low, and make decisions about how much insulin to give him without worrying too much that I might make a mistake and send him into a seizure. But I just can't handle those questions very well.
Sometime this past fall, when he was only a month or two into his diagnosis, he asked why God gave him diabetes. Yeah, that one killed me.
As he grows up, there will be a lot of tough questions to answer. I hope these are as hard as they get.
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